The Hex Girls from Scooby-Doo Deserve their own Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour-esque Movie
The greatest band in the world
You could say that I was obsessed with Scooby-Doo growing up. Anything Scooby-related, I had it.
The giant Scooby head slippers that my dog Mickey chewed to pieces? Check.
A Mystery Machine lunch box with the matching thermos for my Scooby SpaghettiOs? Double-check.
Scooby-Doo: Night of 100 Frights for the Ps2? You’re damn right I had it. Super-check.
Still, my most prized possession was probably my Scooby VHS tapes. I was so proud of my clamshell collection and displayed them prominently on my windowsill. I know this may come off as “old man yells at cloud,” but they really don’t make Scooby-Doo movies like they used to. I mean, just take a look at some of these animated classics:
That’s a run of movies that any filmmaker would be jealous of. All certified fresh (in my opinion).
Perhaps my favorite movie is Scooby-Doo and the Witch’s Ghost. Now, I know some of you might be saying: “How the hell can you have Witch’s Ghost over Zombie Island?” And to that I say this:
It’s simple. Zombie Island may have some of the most delicious-looking gumbo ever displayed on screen but it doesn’t have The Hex Girls in it. Witch’s Ghost does. End of discussion.
For those who don’t know, or have simply forgotten about the greatest rock band of all time, let me bring you up to speed. The Hex Girls are an all-female eco-goth rock band from Oakhaven, Massachusetts.
Members include:
Thorn: lead singer and guitarist
Luna: keyboardist and back-up singer
Dusk: drummer and back-up singer
Since 1999, this trio has put out some absolute bangers, including:
“Earth, Wind, Fire, and Air”
“Those Meddlin’ Kids”
“Hex Girl”
On the slap scale, these are at least 100/10 slaps. I would be lying if I said I didn’t sing “Hex Girl” at least once a week in the shower.
Now, I know we have all seen the videos making their way around the internet. Of Swifties invading local theaters, having a blast, playing ring-around-the-rosie (similar to that one scene in Midsommar) as Taylor belts out her singles for three hours.
It looks like a damn good time, I can’t lie. I’m not religious, but this is what I imagine a religious awakening would look like. And in that sense, I’m kinda jealous of Swifties. I wanna experience that level of euphoria.
And I think I know how. Let this be the official petition for The Hex Girls to get their own Eras Tour-esque movie.
I’m ready to spend the evening at the theater. Hex Girls limited edition popcorn bucket and soda cup in hand, shouting, “I’m a Hex Girl / and I’m gonna put a spell on you!”
So, like, share, call your local government, hand out flyers in front of a Pizza Hut. Do whatever you have to do to make this a reality. It’s time for us Hexies to have the night of our lives, where we can trade goth collars with one another, symbolizing our friendship for eternity. We deserve it. We really do.
Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk and Pop Bites. Follow him on social media @sbb_writer.